This is admittedly a little overdue, but I have a two month old. So. There’s that.
I can’t believe how much has happened in the last month. It feels like we have a different kid now. I’m a lot less hormonal and we’re both getting a lot more sleep than we were a month ago. I use “a lot” quite loosely– although 4-6 hours at a time truly is a lot more than 1-2.
I’m still struggling to adjust to this new season of life where it’s my job to meet everyone else’s needs. 24/7. 365. And how my needs are just perpetually marginalized. Welcome to motherhood, right? It’s hard to discern the difference between trying to get my needs taken care of and being selfish. I really don’t know where that line gets drawn. I just know I need to figure it out. And I need grace to extend. This is new for all of us. We’re learning – all of us. And we’re in it together.
Perhaps most importantly, I’ve learned afresh how important it is for me to have daily time in the Word. I bought myself a Christmas present. (Americanca much?) It used to be that if I didn’t get time with Jesus in the morning, by about 10 AM, it became apparent that I wasn’t really a nice Christian girl at all, but an impatient, selfish, raging lunatic with a Latina temper and a mouth like a truck driver. My need for Jesus was clear. But after seven or eight months of staying home sick with baby Moses in utero, it became less clear. Sure, I’d pray. Jesus, please help me feel better. Give me a healthy baby. Help me love my husband. Give me energy and strength to clean this place up. Please make my labor progress. Please make the pain stop. Please fix my problems. But the time I spent actually reading, meditating, and listening grew less and less important. And then comes the hustle and bustle of life with a newborn. How do you find time for the Word when you’re supposed to be sleeping, nursing, eating, hydrating, pumping, snuggling, soaking in the tub, entertaining guests, posting pictures of your baby for out of town friends and family, taking baby to the doctor, taking yourself to the doctor, tracking wet and dirty diapers, trying not to neglect your husband, etc etc etc. All the while– SO EXHAUSTED. Devotions, quiet time– does it really matter? When life is this crazy and all you really want is a nap, is spending your one block of quiet time (where the baby’s actually sleeping) trying to read your Bible and pray actually worth it?
It matters. It’s worth it. And thankfully, when you fail to follow that reading plan, He’s still faithful.
Because of what Christ has done for those who belong to Him, we serve a God who is faithful, loving, and true regardless of how faithful we are to him. In His mercy, He pursues us even when we don’t pursue him.
I said I bought myself a Christmas present. This is an excerpt from it.
“Christianity stands completely apart from all other religions because it’s not up to us to work our way into God’s favor. We do worship a holy God who demands loving obedience, but he’s unique because he took all the judgment for our failure onto himself. He’s already done everything for us. This is the scandalous, incredible Christian message of the incarnate God becoming man and dying in our place to bring us to himself. And it’s the message that we need to hear over and over again because we’re never completely convinced of it. That’s not to say that we don’t believe it at all; it’s just that there always seems to be some sort of lurking suspicion that he’s not as good as he says he is. He declares his love for us in the most lavish manner and still we wake up wondering if he’ll like us better today if somehow we can get our act together. Even so, he patiently continues to assure and reassure us of his love. He’s already demonstrated it in the most outrageous way: ‘God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.’ (Rom 5:8) Rather than our failures frustrating him, our sin simply serves to make his mercy more beautiful. We can believe in this love and rest in it, or we can try to figure out what makes him tick and then make a list of rules we need to obey to keep him from punishing us. We can believe in his love and welcome, or we can move back to ancient Rome in our hearts.”
– Elyse Fitzpatrick, “Comforts from Romans”
Here’s to believing what He says and resting in His love.
At two months old, Moses…
– is too cute for me to even handle. Seriously. Look at that face! I can’t even.
– has the ability to sleep for 7 hours straight. (But generally doesn’t.)
– has an adorable mischievous little grin. Usually shows up when he’s supposed to be nursing and would rather be talking and therefore is spitting milk all over his mama. I call him out on it, he grins, I melt. It’s a vicious cycle.
– doesn’t seem to be quite ready for a regular daily schedule yet. (And I can deal with that for another month while his little internal clock develops. At least, I’m trying.)
– is doing much better with nursing. Most of his latch/seal issues have worked themselves out, but he still doesn’t want to nurse without the nipple shield. It’s looking like weaning him off the shield is going to take time, practice, and an abundance of patience that I don’t really have.
– loves to be social in the morning. Cooing and squawking and smiling, kicking his feet, flailing his arms and clicking his tongue are his favorite activities. It’s my favorite part of the day.
– despite our attempts to make him comfortable with background noise while he’s sleeping, he doesn’t really tolerate it. I’m thinking we need to invest in a louder white noise machine– he likes it and he freaks out if he doesn’t have it, but it isn’t loud enough to drown out the sound of the toilet flushing or the door closing or Aaron and I talking or the TV in the living room.
– really likes the activity gym he got for Christmas. Will lay and play with it for quite some time.
– has a pretty intense fussy time in the late afternoon/early evening. (aka “The Witching Hour”)
– gives me huge gummy smiles when I come and get him up from his naps. Melt my heart.
– has his Daddy’s sense of humor. Specifically, it’s really hard to get a laugh out of him! Oh sure, he’ll give a chuckle if you work for it, but to make him really laugh? I’ve only heard it once and I still don’t know what was so funny. He was hanging out in his swing and just started cracking up. It was adorable. Can’t get him to do it again for the life of me.
– *still* has hairy hobbit ears. The rest of the lanugo is long gone though. This might be a forever thing. LOVE IT.
– is in the 89th percentile for his weight, but has very little visible baby chub. My kid is all muscle. Like his Daddy.
– thinks his Grandpa Dennis is magic. After much observation, I’m pretty sure he’s right.
– has little froggy feet.
Couldn’t resist. I’m not really into the whole “stamp something on the butt of all baby clothes” trend or the “stamp anything on all the baby clothes” trend for that matter. In fact I much prefer good ole’ plain ole’ stripes, solids, and plaids. But these are freeeeeeeeaking adorable.