[ tell me where our time went and if it was time well spent ]

I am so eager to get on that airplane. Thirteen days has never quite seemed so long – and yet I know with the wedding that’s this weekend and everything I have to accomplish in the next two weeks, I’m sure it’s going to just fly right by. I feel like I’m being pulled in so many different directions right now, but only one seems to really consume me. With my mother in the nursing home for the next four weeks and my relationship with my two best friends changing due to circumstances and people pulling away and drawing me closer .. so much is changing. I know all things considered, I should be falling apart right now. And yes, I surely do have those times when I am just so overwhelmed and distressed that I feel like I can’t even breathe. But overall, God has given me such a deep peace about all of it that sometimes I actually forget that all this madness is going on around me. I’m just trying to get organized and prepare myself as much as possible for what’s ahead. God is so good to me!

I have to take my driver’s test tomorrow. It’s the only opening they have in the schedule at both Penn Hills and Bridgeville until June 10th. Oh please, Lord, do something miraculous.

Oh, how I long to wrap my arms around those precious gypsy kids with their sweet little dirty and weathered faces, looking at me with those hypnotic eyes : so black you can’t tell pupil from iris or so beautiful with their rings of yellow, orange, and green. I’ll never be able to forget those eyes – just begging for my love and attention. I would freely give them everything I own and everything I am if I thought it would do them a bit of good. That’s why I’m going to Minneapolis – to very intentionally and practically seek to become the best servant of the Lord I can be, the best equipped to give them what they really need : Christ. I want to pour myself out like a drink offering for them and I need to know the best way to do that. Sure, I could just go and do what I can – but there’s so much I still don’t understand. How much of what I want to give them is the teachings of Christ and how much is western civilization? I need to know the difference before I can with good conscience throw myself in head first.

I feel like there’s not enough time to say goodbye to the people I love and still June 2 is not going to come fast enough.

Alina was exactly right when she said that my heart is in Romania. I haven’t felt like myself since I’ve been there. It’s like I left a part of me there and I don’t quite function properly without it. And yet, I knew Naomi was right when she said I have two homes and two families. I remember that last night in Beius, outside the restaurant, when we had to say goodbye to Alina and Cristi. I was crying so hard – inconsolable. And Naomi gave me a big hug and said “This is not goodbye, sister. You’re just going to visit your family in America for a little while – and then you’ll come back to your family here.” I still couldn’t stop crying, but that revelation has been such a great comfort to me in the last six months, I can’t even put it into words.

Oh two weeks.. two inexplicably and unbearably long and short weeks. How will I ever make it? By grace through faith in Christ alone…

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
– 1 Peter 5:6-11