[ i’m so unworthy but still you love me ]

I haven’t updated my blog in a very long time, I know. There’s not much excuse really, it’s not like I’ve been super busy. I’ve been unemployed. Although I suppose in a way I have been far busier in the last two months than I’ve been in the last year. I finally found the place I’ve been looking for since I moved out here. I finally found some really great friends my own age in my own stage of life – or very similar. The Lord has blessed me with an amazing small group that meets on Sunday nights on 7th St. I am amazed at the way the Spirit is already moving in our group, the changes I’ve seen in the people I’m just starting to get to know, the social barriers breaking down, and the pretenses falling, and the Lord at work in and through us. I’ve never been so blessed in all my life. And I can’t possibly find enough time to spend with them. I love them all so dearly.

Better yet, I’m in a group full of amazing Godly Christian men who are single and I’m not picking out China patterns. (But for the grace of God…) Instead, God has GIFTED ME in His infinitely amazing grace with contentment in singleness. I’m so thankful, but holding it loosely. My failure to hold on to contentment in singleness has been the thorn in my side for as long as I’ve been a believer. Truly, it’s just a failure (or worse yet, a refusal) to be thankful for the gifts He HAS given me and to find my joy in Christ alone. Wow… that sounds a lot less socially acceptable and a lot more heinous when you put it that way. Jesus, forgive me.

Year 2 of TBI Essentials has been canceled, so I’m taking Koine Greek this year along with a bunch of very dear friends. I have no idea whether the Lord will call me to follow Him to Romania or Ecuador or Somalia or anywhere in the world or nowhere in particular. And for now, I’m okay with not knowing. He’ll let me know what I need to know when the time is right. But I do know I’m willing to follow Him whereever He leads.

Living with the Joneses is still wonderful. They’re so gracious and kind to me. I hope and pray I can be as great a blessing in their lives as they are in mine. I’ve spent countless hours listening to Johanna and Matt pour wisdom into my life, challenge me, and speak the truth in love. They are an absolutely invaluable part of my life. They’re like my Minnesota Rivieres and McGallas combined, if I can even say such a thing.

I do miss my church family in Pittsburgh terribly. Especially the McGallas, I feel like we’ve fallen out of touch. The Rivieres too, I know we’ve fallen out of touch in that situation. Although Rachel is my regular e-penpal. Evan is coming to visit in October – I CAN’T WAIT. I miss her so much. If only I could make it home for a visit. Gosh, I was just there in July. Who’d have thought I’d miss home this much? I spent my whole life just itching to get out of Pittsburgh and now I can’t seem to make it back there often enough, though I won’t move back. I like it here, I’m happy here, and far more importantly, I know I’m exactly where the Lord wants me to be right now. He is on the throne, nothing is a suprise to Him, there’s nothing that can thwart His perfect plan, and I have been ransomed by the blood of Christ – that right there is all my hope and peace. So I will trust you, precious Lord Jesus. With my heart, with my job or lackthereof, with my money, with my affections, with my friends, with my future. Because You are good and You are worthy and You have ALWAYS been faithful.

“The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them. The Lord preserves all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless his holy name forever and ever.” – Psalm 145:14-21