[ stuck between the past and present tense ]

I’ve recently come to the realization that I am incredibly naive. And I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, but I’m willing to be persuaded in either direction.

Examples:

– I assume all my friends are going to be part of my life forever.

– I think everyone must want people as intimately involved in their lives as I do.

– Unless given a reason not to, I inherently trust everyone.

– I’m an open book.

– I assume everyone else is too and I’m shocked and often offended when I realize they’re not.

– I’m committed to loving people with intentional recklessness.

– I don’t have the ability to conceal my emotions; a characteristic which proves itself detrimental, more often than not.

– I’m so stinking childlike that I am often astounded by my own social awkwardness.

It hasn’t been a pleasant revelation, to be sure. In discussing these things with Johanna this weekend, I’ve been overcome with feelings of despair and general shmuckhood. She tried to assure me that loyalty is not a bad thing. To which I say, if that’s true, why do I always feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick?

Later, I was complaining about the transient culture of Bethlehem and how it’s more like a launch pad than a garden. She reminded me why I came here and encouraged me to consider the “gather and scatter” pattern of Acts.

I tried to do that, but mostly I just wanted to cry about how much I don’t like it.

Music: Less Than Jake – “Screws Fall Out”

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3 thoughts on “[ stuck between the past and present tense ]

  1. i’m with you friend.

    i’m sorry for not being there like i should be as you work through things and struggle with different things.

    praying for you. miss you. chat soon? (i don’t ignore your gchats :) they come when i’m in class)

    jbc.

  2. That transient nature is hard, especially for those of us who are trying to plant ourselves here. Isn’t that why you came to BBC?

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